It is a truth universally acknowledged amongst realists, that we’re not going to change local gravitational acceleration in a signficant enough way to effect weight for a significant period of time. Well, not without opening up a local black hole and sucking the entire contents of the universe through it. Which may be a little much.

Therefore – the only way to make a significant impact on to one’s weight is to affect the variable which can be considered non-stable. Mass.

I have battled with weight problems since I was young. My weight fluctuates up and down based on a number of variables. This number of variables is significantly long and could otherwise be called a list of excuses (stress, pleasure, pain, pressure, availability, boredom). All these variables actually boil down to a simple equation:

change = food in – exercise[1]

In practical terms, managing this is easy. To create a bigger negative change, reduce the amount of food in and increase the amount of exercise. But then the excuses start to come back in, and we’re back to “argh, I have too much work to exercise” and “nothing to do, insert stuff into mouth”. Over time this simple equation gains enough side effects to make a theoretical physicist start to squirm.

What I have been doing for the past month though has been working. Reduce the number of variables and you can get a better sense of control. My food in has been limited. There is now a set route for morning and breakfast which almost anyone who knows me is now familiar with. Rather than having to think about every individual meal, the first two are now set in stone and provide a fixed number. This means I can concentrate on the evening meal, plan ahead to cook it and have an idea how good nutritionally it is. All my food thinking time consolidated into one easy, daily repayment. It’s also given me back a little bit of freedom to cook, which I’ve missed doing recently as well.

The most variable part of this equation has been exercise. Exercise has always been the first brick to fall when things start to go pear-shaped. When stress gets too high and the work loads are trying to cave in, traditionally I’ve just stopped doing anything else other than work to deliver a project. This doesn’t work, and for me, it doesn’t even work in the short term anymore. I am most productive when I’ve slept well and had some form of exercise. It is a myth that the time saved from not exercising is constructive time that can be spent working. So my two nights fencing (or coaching) are now fixed, and unless something very serious turns up (personal rather than work), they are necessary parts of my week (which they are). I’m also getting out running where I can in the mornings. This one is an easier said than done, and is dependant on a few variables. Some weeks I have been able to manage three runs a week, others I’ve managed one. I’m not too worried about making morning runs, so long as I do some. They are a plus to the routine.

This very rigid (and worrying sensible) regime has had some net positive effects for me. I have more energy, am tired better in the evenings (tired was never a problem, but there appears to be qualities of tired) and appear to be overall more productive. Oh, and on top of all that I’m losing weight. My Thursday weigh in came in at under 15 stone.

[1] Okay, the full equation is a little more complicated than that, but you get the idea.

Eugh.

That’s a term I dislike. But a “Digital Fast” is the one LifeHack have adopted so I’ll settle with it for now. The idea is to take a 24 hour period completely disconnected from the Net to a) prove that you can do it, and b) to get a bit of life back and put your priorities straight.

But they make it sound like a chore.

Go have a read of the article, and then come back.

My partner and I had an online break recently for a whole two days, and it was one of the most refreshing things we’ve done for a long time. I had spent the week working for a client based in London, and with things still flying around up North it was a very hectic week. Fun, but hectic. Deciding that we really needed was a few days break I booked a couple of days in Kettlewell in the Yorkshire Dales (we recommend Littlebeck B&B). It was on a bit of a whim, and the place came on the advice of a friend. This was not intended as a “Digital Fast”, just a couple of days out of the rat race for a bit of R&R.

I got back into Manchester on Friday evening, Cat picked me up and off we went. Driving up, the usual run of Twitter and GMaps was happening until we got north of Skipton. Then all we got from GMaps was a grid, a blue line and an arrow.

“Follow the line! Don’t lose the line!”, so long as we followed the line we were OK. There was a map somewhere in the car if we got really stuck.

But the signal was dead. No 3G, no GSM. Nada. And as we hit Kettlewell it didn’t get any better. No Wifi in the B&B, Wifi in one of the pubs if we got absolutely stuck. All we had was each others company for a three day period.

And it was awesome. We woke at a reasonably casual time, wandered downstairs to a most hearty breakfast, casually strolled around the village, drank tea in a nice little tea-shop and ate at some rather nice pubs. No pressures, no connectivity, just the gentle countryside and company.

We even had snow on the Sunday, which made the whole thing even more picturesque – and did cause a bit of worry about getting back for Monday. Trapped for another day? Oh dear… Alas, it turns out the roads in that area are gritted and cleared more religiously than most major towns and cities so at that point it was easy travelling to get home.

We will be doing it again – next time hopefully for longer. A week, maybe two. It’s nice to have that feeling of gentle isolation.

So, if you are planning on taking your “Digital Fast”, and feel like it will be more chore than pleasure – why not disappear to the Dales or the Lakes for a day or two and enjoy what’s there instead? Enjoy your time away.

Since a few people have been asking recently… I am currently coaching at two clubs in the North-West: Manchester and Altrincham. Beginner geeks are welcome to turn up to either, and will be welcomed by a smile and a circuit board.

Manchester – Manchester Fencing Club
This club caters for all fencers from beginners to international.
I’m here every other week (other coaches are availible at other times). Ping for details.
West Hill School, Stalybridge, SK15 1LX
Thursday 1900-2130

Altrincham – Salle Kiss This club is a new club, currently catering to beginners. A good environment for beginners to feel comfortable.
Altrincham Grammar School For Boys, Altrincham, WA14 2RS
Wednesday 1900-2100

Fees vary from club to club. For your first session, stick a tenner in your pocket and you’ll get plenty of change (I don’t handle money and can rarely remember what fees are from one week to the next).

I’m horribly unfit!

Isn’t that the point? Seriously, we cater for all shapes, sizes and fitness. Turn up and give it a try. The sport is fun, addictive, painless (mostly) and we provide all the kit you need. Just bring yourself, a pair of trainers or squash shoes, tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt. You’ll want some water and a towel as well.

To make it a bit more fun (and to leave out those first week blues), why not organise a couple of you to turn up together?

Oh, and you’ll get to hit me in a large leather jacket repeatedly. What could be more fun?

Interested?

Drop me a quick e-mail or comment to let me know you’re coming. It’s also useful to know how big you are (chest size and height) so I know if I need to grab some larger jackets from elsewhere.

But I’m a Foreigner!

Not a problem – there are plenty of clubs out there. Have a look at the British Fencing Club directory, and contact the club secretary (using that old-tech thing called a phone). That’s why they’re listed.

Back in April, I discussed my epic plans for the garden in an attempt to put some genuine home-grown food on our plates. Well dear readers, the garden has somewhat flourished since that post, and we now appear to have a good run of crops in potatoes, shallots, and tomatoes. For a full list of what’s growing in the garden, click on the landscape garden image to view the notes on Flickr.

Has it been worth it? Yes. It’s been a fun exercise and we’ve learnt a lot of lessons about how much effort and time it takes to grow your own food and the restrictions of working in a terraced yard. If you do plan on doing this yourself there are a few things to bear in mind:

1. Get a greenhouse. Just a small £20 one. It helps to germinate the seeds quickly, and who knows how long it would have taken to get some of the plants going without it.
2. Get lots of cheap containers. The dirt the food grows in has to grow in something. Oddly, most people seem to overlook this when budgeting. It doesn’t have to be elaborate – the basic requirement is that it adequately holds dirt. We’ve got a range of containers, from wooden tubs which were on special offer at a tenner a piece, to garden rubbish buckets currently holding the potatoes. We made an extravagance on two galvanised steel containers which to be quite frank are rather rubbish. Keep them basic and large.
3. You will spend an extraordinary amount of money on dirt. By dirt I mean compost, but when you get down to it, it’s glorified dirt. If like us you live in a terraced house, your yard contains no natural dirt and you’ll have to import all of it. Vegetables on the whole are relatively unfussy things. They do not care if you use miracle grow or Uncle Pete’s wholesale budget compost at a tenth of the price. Save the cash for more containers.
4. You will spend most of your money on 2 and 3. The rest pales into insignificance by comparison.
5. Get a book that you can understand on the subject.

In your first year, you are not expecting to become a master gardener. Your aim is to put something in the ground and make it grow. As such, your first reference book needs to be something with bright colours, simple instructions and guidance you can understand. My recommended reference for the novice would be Plot, Pots or Growbags available from Amazon for under £7.

I don’t need to say much about this book, the reviews on the Amazon page tell it all. It’s such a straightforward and useful book, you really can’t fail with it. We bought most of our seeds from Suttons online shop and were surprised with how slick an operation it was.

Cat is currently cooking a chicken, mushroom, leek and shallot pie to celebrate some of the early harvest. Today we shall ignore the diet. Now, time to plan for Autumn planting…

My bike is dead. I was asked to sign its death warrant yesterday. It was in pretty poor shape. It was the best thing I could do for it.

I admit I’ve not cycled for over a year. The bike I had been using was donated to me by Cat’s dad. It was rather too large for me, but it was a touring frame and rode well. Unfortunately I don’t agree with non-indexed shifters located on the bike frame, and this cough may have cough caused a few cough slips. Nothing epic, just a few occasions where I may have been forced to cough stop, due to a lack of chain on gear.

Oddly though, I’ve not suffered a serious crash on it, which I can’t say for my beloved pearlescent-yellow Muddy Fox MTB, on which I was hit by an ASDA lorry, side-swiped by a car on an estate, knocked flying by a pair of yobs in a white Fiesta into a bramble bush and finally, hit an unseen grate and slid for 25m on my face. That particular bike was nicked from my parent’s back yard when I came back from university and I was absolutely devastated.

Now I’m needing a new bike. I’m looking for a second hand road/race bike, 50-54cm frame size, drop bars and shifters on the bar. The last point is rather important (see above). I’ve missed two bikes in the past week that fitted the bill on Ebay. I’ve got a budget of around £150, if you know anyone selling, or if you’re selling yourself, drop me an e-mail.

Here at Tentacle Towers we have the typical urban gardening facility – a yard. Your typical yard does not really lend itself to being transformed into a urban garden paradise of self-sustenance, but we’re giving it a jolly good shot.

Growing vegetables tends to throw up images of hours of back-breaking work, pitch forks, west country accents and the sounds of the Archers. Oddly, non of the above it required, except possibly the Archers (or at least a radio tuned to Radio 4). What it does require is time, a bit of money to initially invest, and dirt. Ideally some compost.

Veg tends to broadly fall into three categories: 1. Straight to pot – the easy one. Take a large container of dirt, add some seeds, water and harvest in a few months. Straightforward enough. 2. Incubate and destroy – a little harder. Requires small potting things, and somewhere warm to germinate and grow. When your seedlings are large enough to eat a small human, transfer into the obligatory large container of dirt later. 3. Herbs – easy, but … odd. Can be kicked off in the open, or in the greenhouse. We already have a few containers of herbs, but are starting off this year’s seedlings in the greenhouse.

Important bits: * Greenhouse – this doesn’t have to be the epic huge glass house that your Aunty Mabel grows her begonias in. The Range and B&Q both sell a small greenhouse which is essentially nothing more than a series of shelves with a plastic cover. The only real difference between that one and Aunty Mabels is Aunty Mabel’s is significantly larger. * Containers – if you let them, containers can be expensive. The most we’ve paid (so far) for a container is £25 for a container to hold our Jerusalem Artichokes. The best containers are often the most novel ones. Our potatoes are in garden refuse buckets and one of the herb pots is an old barbecue.

And to prove it works, broccoli making a bid for world domination.

Ingredients

• 500g Shin Beef, Diced
• 2 Carrots
• 1 Parsnip
• 2 Onions
• Fresh Rosemary
• Bay Leaf
• Beef Stock Liquid

Directions

1. In a frying pan, heat a little oil, fry off the beef and onion with a little rosemary. Add to a casserole dish.
2. Scrub/peel carrots and parsnip. Add to casserole dish.
3. Add rosemary and bay leaf.
4. Add enough made up stock from liquid to cover meat to cover contents.
5. Cook at 200oC for 1 hour, then drop to 80oC continue cooking for 1.5 hours.
6. Mix 1/3 suet to 2/3 self raising flour for as many dumplings as you want. Add a little salt, and rosemary if you wish.
7. Add water to the dumpling mix until a sticky, moist mixture is reached.
8. Spoon mixture into casserole dish. Either leave of surface or push under surface.
9. Turn oven back to 200oC and return casserole dish to oven for 30 minutes.

Just before adding the stock and committing to the oven:

Fresh rosemary – no garden or kitchen should be without it:

There’s also the benefit that Abel and Cole boxes are organically sourced, and all UK produce, zeroing the air miles as well. Ignoring the fact that a little man comes and delivers it to the door, it’s significantly better for the environment, see?

So, for a first time out we decided to order a mixed medium box, some mushrooms and a loaf. Pretty standard fare, except that we were told “order over £20, get a mixed box free”. Which meant that when the box arrived, we were greeted with this:

Oh holy, moly. That’s a lot of food.

For the inventory, there are potatoes, carrots, parsnips, onions, rocket, radishes, broccoli, apples, plums and oranges plus the mushrooms and bread we bought extra. The potatoes are smaller than those you’d be expecting from your supermarket, as are the onions, but there is a significant difference in taste.

Out of this fine assortment, there’s a (broccoli) bit that Cat (rocket) can’t (radishes) or won’t eat. Abel and Cole have a preferences system so you can adjust what they will and won’t send to you. We clearly need to do a little more tweaking on ours, but for a first effort, not bad at all.

So what to do with a mountain of good quality food? Well, best cook it. See the next post for my basic, but nommish beef casserole recipe.

This is a new category for the blog that’ll be dealing with me getting life, funnily enough, back on track. It’s going to be about food, gardening, exercise and most likely have little or nothing to do with code, photography, bob. Since graduating in 2003, I’ve wrestled with my work/life balance, usually falling far too far on the wrong side of work. This year I didn’t just decide that enough was enough, I decided to actually act on it. Also, in a world of economic recession, being sensible and looking after my primary business asset (me) as also in my best interests.

Over the course of the year, there’ll be updates to the state of the garden as we attempt to grow our own fruit and vegetables, possibly the occasional recipe and tips for attempting to keep your life in a roughly working order.